My Peyronie's Disease Has Made Me Avoid Sex
I am a gay man. Five and a half years ago when I turned 63 I developed Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and was treated with chemotherapy for 6 months. Five years later I was declared completely cured of the disease. But the disease left its scars.
During the 5 year remission period (2 years into the remission period) I developed Peyronie's disease. At first the curvature was quite marked but there was no pain, but the shortening of the shaft was very marked (1.5 - 2 inches), and the deformity (hour-glass with protuberance) was ugly. I was horror struck when I first saw my penis so deformed. My beautiful 9 in+ beauty had been destroyed!
I was also unable to get a full erection and Viagra did nothing to improve this.
I was seen by two doctors an urologist and an andrologist. They localized the scar plaques on the tunica alba by ecography. I was placed on a series of therapies which included L-Acetyl carnithine, L-Arginine, Vitamin E, Penis pump, jelding massages. After 3 years from the onset of Peyronie's disease the curvature has greatly decreased, but the shortening is still marked.
Since the onset of the lymphoma and the subsequent development of Peyronie's disease, I have completely abstained from any sexual relations. In addition to penile shortening I have also developed erectile dysfunction and no matter what I do I cannot get a full erection like before the illnesses.
Dupruyten's contractions in my hands have also developed during this period. Therefore clearly a systematic connective tissue problem has developed in my body during my healing from the lymphoma.
I am very young looking guy and most people think I'm about 45-50 years old. I have been living in a "white" (non-sexual) gay relationship on an isolated farm in Tuscany Italy for the past 20 years. Occasionally in the past before my illness once or twice I might have had a causal fleeting sexual encounter, but now there's nothing. For the past 5 1/2 years I have had no sexual desire at all. It seems that the chemotherapy has destroyed my libido as well.
Now after five years post illness with complete remission I would like to have some sexual relationship in my life but without any libido, and no full erection, plus the decreased size and aesthetics of my penis I avoid all attempts. I did try once, and although I used the penis pump just before the encounter the sexual relation was not consumed when the guy looked at the sorry state of my penis and say NO!
I feel like a part of my being has been completely cut in half, and while I am not depressed I feel this situation has closed the door to any future sexual relationships. I don't want to repeat that rejection experience even a single time again, but even a guy with a scared penis needs intimacy and love. I have become a hermit.
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